Walking is overrated anyway.....

today was fun-

got to bed at 4am

got up at 9am

went to the doctor

because

i fell off a porch

last sunday

in a skirt

and

yes

after ringing

the doorbell

in front

of

beehives

(the girl kind)

and the

neighbors

legs in the air

not pretty

laughed my head off

tears

put my head back on

cried

bled

covered in dirt

got up anyway

and

realized

hit my head

on the cement

twisted my knees

scraped my ankles

which gave me

cankles

again

then

layton

took me on a walk

saw a stupid cat

on the path

scared me

cut the walk short

hurt anyway

dr. told me

i had a concussion

need to see

a better doctor

even

an orthopedic

about my knees

so that

i can stop

walking

like a duck...

nice.

ok

fine

he didn't really say

like a duck.

hum

i think my body is

quack-ing

up

join me

won't you?

Let's see if this will help you to

"quack up"

Never criticize someone unless you walk a mile in his shoes,

then you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!

What do you call a lady with one leg shorter than the other??

"I - lean"

What do you say to a hitchhiker with one leg?

Hop in

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.

Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the dickens she is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

And for the grand finali.......

( as you may well know-I hate Cats - this one produced tears!)

How to give a cat a pill.

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.

3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a soda to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.

8. Tie the dumb thing's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.

9. Consume remainder of soda. Get spouse to drive you to the emergancy room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

10. Arrange for the pound to collect the "mutant cat from hell" and ring local pet shop to see if they sell dogs!

Have a fun day.